Honey, we have a lot of catching up to do...

That's an understatement. My job as executive Pastry Chef has kept me beyond busy and all-out exhausted. I would like to give a laundry list of excuses as to why I haven't updated, even just a little tiny bit, over the past 4 or so months...

... But to be honest with you, I have learned over the past 4 or so months that "excuses are the nails that build the house of failure." Or so I've been told. Failure and I are not on speaking terms at the moment, luckily, so I will take it from someone else. So how can I wrap up my Summer of 2010 in a few short sentences?

Busy.

Hectic.

Stressful.

Crazy.

Long.

Confusing.

Frustrating.

Heart-breaking.

Almost done...

Within a few short months, this whole experience will be behind me, and I will have a whole new journey to look forward to. Before that, however, I have a few very hard questions to answer: where will my journey start? Do I return to the Wentworth for a few months and continue to scrape and save and pay my bills? Do I head West with my beautiful and loving Goddess-sister and her new man and spend a few blissful weeks in Wine Country, California? Do I start the whole "hotel bakeshop" process over by moving to Woodstock, VT? Do I return to The Sagamore for the Summer of 2011 and see if it is more successful than this past one has been?

Just when I think I can give myself a well-deserved pat on the back for surviving the toughest 6 months of my life, I pause mid-pat and wonder, "Should I come back next season? Will it be better? Will it be easier? Will I have more control and power?" Then the memories and horrors of this summer flood my mind, I shake my head vigorously and determinedly. No, I can't come back to this. Why would I want to? Shouldn't I be preparing to open my own bakeshop somewhere? Shouldn't I be preparing to spend several, heavenly weeks drunk in a vineyard in northern California?

And then.... What would my co-workers think of me? What would my bakeshop staff think of me? What kind of pastry chef am I to give it all up, just like that, after one season of struggle? I know it is a legitimate struggle and everyone goes through it, but shouldn't I just be tough? Wouldn't people respect me more, as a chef, if I persevere and prove that I can do it?

*sigh* My brain hurts. And it's hot out. And my laundry basket is overflowing, as is my kitchen sink. Despite all of this, all I want to do is curl up outside on a blanket in the grass, with a book and a bowl of strawberry chardonnay sorbet that I made this morning... Yum...